Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Now for something completely different... From 01-09-07




I'm going to rant about something!

*Gasps*

Never before seen in this blog... Heather will rant.

Ok... I thought I would have this whole anonymous blogger thing going on. My secret identity has been revealed. Now I might have to actually show my face on here... and, I'm just not sure that the world could handle this.

Not that the face itself is overly horrible... the pictures of said face are.

I just do NOT get that! I could look like Miss Freakin' Universe before... and as soon as that shutter snaps... I'm the bag lady on the corner, only homelier.

Parking Tickets.

Come on Parking Meter Reader Bill... That's right, I KNOW YOUR NAME!

Seriously...If I didn't have the quarter to put in the machine, what makes you think I'll have the... I think its now $70 to pay the tickets?

They should leave little letters that say "I'm sorry that you are so poor you can't afford to put a quarter in the meter, here's a blank check, take whatever you need from the city... we don't need it".

Hmm? How 'bout that?

Floridians.

YOU CAN'T DRIVE!

Seriously. You can't. But I try not to pigeonhole every one of you, which is approximately 95% of Asheville.

Living in Union County, I always thought it was South Carolina drivers... they are bad. Who need's Driver's Ed when you can walk away with your license at 15 without a single test?

But now, my hatred and road rage have been steered a little farther south.

You have mastered the brake check. I thought I was good with that, but woo boy, you are clearly licensed professionals. I could be my 2 seconds away, but you still feel the need to assure me that in case of emergency, your brakes will function properly. While you and your brake pedal are keeping the beat to "Hot for Teacher" I am trying to figure out if it’s physically
possible to punch you through a moving car.

Murderous rage... you don't mess around with a crazy person. I even come equipped with what
I call my Vincent D'Onofrio face for such occasions... you know… in Full Metal Jacket, he's sitting on the toilet and kind of staring up out of lowered eyes? It’s just creepy.

*Stands beside car... points at it* "This is my weapon... there are many like it, but this one is mine"

One more thing. The letter "i".

When speaking, it is possible to strain the letter/word "i"... but when typing it when used as in "I went" or "I don't like you" there is absolutely NO WAY to put emphasis on that... it is already all in caps! I could italicize it, but why on God's green earth would I want to go through the trouble of doing that?!?

Sorry, there were just things that had to be said. I'm going to go back out to my car, get my parking ticket off the windshield and prepare for battle against the rampant raging Floridians.

Pray for me.

~*~Random~*~

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