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Showing posts from January, 2010

Resolving More Than My Carpet

So, people are making their New Year’s Resolutions with all the sincerity their little hearts can muster all the while knowing that after the initial week of doing good or at least better things is up, that they have absolutely no intention whatsoever of following through on any of them.


Knowing that I never keep my resolutions prompted me to take a stand last year. I made reverse resolutions. I made resolutions that I did not ever want to keep with the hopes that, like every other year of my life, I wouldn’t keep these either.


A short list of those resolutions:


1. Gain twenty more pounds.

2. Go completely broke.

3. Get raped and killed.


And you know what happened?


I kept them. Obviously with the exception of getting raped and killed, but I substituted that with “Getting attacked and almost killed” which is an acceptable alternative.


I gained twenty more pounds. I filed for bankruptcy. I was also attacked and robbed.


I lose at the Resolutions game. My resolutions made me their bitch. …