Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Heather Heartless (From 3/6/07)



*The photo in reference is the photo currently sitting just to the left, my default picture.*




Hi folks. I had one of my lovely readers post a comment in regards to my not so photogenic qualities. I decided against approving it, and went for a more courageous approach. I made it into a blog.

I think that me and good ‘ole Howard could become fast friends. I think I might already be half in love with him, and half out as well, let’s see which side gains over time, shall we?

I had contemplated not posting this at all, as I have a team of vicious midgets, other wise known as my bestests, who may very well launch a search party and maim or possibly kill poor Howard. But as I said, I kind of love him right now. You can make up your own minds about Mr. Heretic though.

Here’s your 15 of fame my love, enjoy it.

And oh yes… spell check. It is your best friend.

Heather Heartless

Oh what a joy your cynical take on life appears.
I (you?) was hilarious … well soughtr (sort) of. Male readers (the straight ones) might be more attracted to read your blog if they were not frightened by your current appearance in the AC-T looking like a cover shot for a GLADD parade. Please remove the heavy swathing that covers your head and nose, remove those gawd awful jeans (lose a few pounds around the derriere) and your legs would look great in hot-pants honey … yes they’re back in fashion, Paris Milan London New York (Is this the name of a celebrity's child? Commas honey…can’t have too many commas) & Asheville

Drop that bull dyke stance and show your audience the feminine side of your persona.
See underneath the mummyfied (I not a Y) wrapping there stands a spunky lookin’ hunk-ess, who commands attention. (Check the before and after head shots of Elizabeth Withey of the Alberta Journal blogs) Perceptions are everything. Go see Jeff Green and tell him it has been suggested new pix of you will increase circulation and reckon he’ll agree.


C’mon woman you’ve got nothing too (One O at a time please) lose … go see JG today. Loves ya … even more so in hot pants and bust enhancing top (yes we know it’s a family nespaper (I hate W too, but it’s needed here) doesn’t mean you can’t look sexy fronting your own blog does it?)

Howard the Heretic


As you can see Howard my love, I have taken the liberty of high lighting aforementioned spelling issues. You see… it is a huge pet peeve of mine; ask my brother-in-law, he now uses spell check before commenting my “sort of hilarious” blogs. I will agree… things have gone down hill a bit, but I have a feeling I’m in an upswing now darlin’.


First things first… I love Heather Heartless. That is so going in the book, you coined, but I can copyright. It sounds like a semi-evil advice columnist, or a great pen name.

Sort of hilarious… no such animal.
If it’s not hilarious, it’s just funny, and if it ain’t funny, it’s just dumb. I have a huge ego to support here, it chose to ignore that remark. I love your two sided compliments, I’m quite fond of using them myself.

GLADD…. Hmm… I love Scandals as much as the next girl, but poster child for the clientele… I’m thinking not. Looks can be deceiving, although I do agree that the jeans are a bit wretched. Underneath the surface of this picture, lies a somewhat of a girly girl. I don’t let her out very often. I just don’t see the point. And it’s cold. There is nothing that will put me off of gettin’ glammed up like some cold weather. It’s just not worth it.

My derriere… I got a big booty, and I know it. It’s a genetic thing. Up until now, it’s received no complaints, nor has it received any requests to don hot-pants. In my experience, I have learned that the majority like a big bootied girl or Beyonce wouldn’t be so popular. Sure the girl’s beautiful, but look at that thang! At least it’s not of J-Lo in Selena proportions.

Surely you’re not advocating anorexia… I’m 5’2, the Ethiopian look just wouldn’t go well on me unless I grew at least 8 more inches.

I am entirely too pasty to be wearing hot-pants, I’m very sorry to inform you of that.


The boss is watching me like a hawk at this moment, so I’ll wrap it up with this.

Given your comments on my sense of fashion, and the fact that you have the audacity to comment on my big booty, I will have to say that unless you’re just a fashion ho, I don’t understand the obsession with me wearing more revealing clothing, because I’m sure that it wouldn’t be piquing your interest, now would it?

I’ll see you somewhere over the rainbow Howard my love.

Yes… I am an evil little girl, but I’ll see what I can do about trying to take a better picture, with better clothes, and I will not be discussing my cleavage with JG, that’s just not somewhere I want to be going.

~*~Heather Heartless~*~

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