The Randomist

New director's cut of Eat Pray Love comes with a complementary noose. I’m a little late in coming to the review game on this one, but I couldn’t hold it inside any longer. I’ve never hidden my feelings towards to movie “Eat Pray Love”. I’ve also never truly expressed my feelings about it in such a public arena… until last night, when my rage was renewed. The following took place on Facebook. HCW: I never get tired of watching Eat Pray Love. :) Heather Ray: Really? That movie made me hate Julia Roberts... and I kind of wanted to kill myself five minutes into it. I seriously would have cheered if she'd been hit by a bus at the end. HCW: Hahaha I thought it was a very calming movie..like a "im feeling depressed so I'm gonna watch eat pray love and eat an entire carton of ice cream" movie. Heather Ray: I can’t stand her character. Somewhere towards the end of Eat and the middle of Pray, I warmed up to her a bit, as in I didn’t want to stab her in...

Yes, I'm still on the kick about inanimate objects that scare me shitless .  When I finished the original post, I realized that I had made a huge mistake.  I left out the one that scared me the most. Dolls.  Mostly of the porcelain variety. You have to understand a few things about me.  I don't scare easily.  I'm the chick everyone wants to take to a haunted attraction or horror movie because I laugh my way through them... and also because I can point out exactly where, when, and what is going to pop out at you.  The success rate is roughly 95%.  Paranormal Activity 2 fucked up my perfect record.  Only because I thought it was safe to look directly at the screen when it was day time to them and because those cabinets were really fucking loud when they opened. I was that weird kid that was reading 800 page Stephen King novels in elementary school.  I watched Pet Semetary and IT when I was a toddler and never had an issue, which is...

This is probably going to become a regular thing on here because I inevitably learn things that I never wanted to know on a weekly basis.  I'm not talking about finding out that your parents are still having wild sexual gymnastics parties involving swings and your childhood bed, but random facts that I pick up here and there, like how there's pig skin in gummi bears.  Although now that I've put the image of your parents having athletic sex in your head, what I'm learning you today is probably a lot less horrifying. I'm a HUGE fan of learning things.  I like to be smarter than everyone else and whip out my scholastic prowess at random to impress the masses.  I also love to read and I do it quite frequently.  I even read shampoo bottles when I'm in the bathroom when I can't quite bear to gaze upon fine Swedish home furnishings one mo' again. However, in my educational and literary journeys, I often come across things that appear interesting, so I res...

I have a lot of fears that other people don't.  I'll blame most of them on Stephen King.  Trust me when I say that this is just the short list of weird and probably unfounded phobias. Take storm drains for instance.  What is there to fear about a seemingly innocuous hole in the ground?  I'll tell you. You'll just be sailing your awesome paper boat down the flood water when this fucker pops up. "Hiya, Georgie.  Aren't ya gonna say "Hello"? Just count that boat as a loss, man, 'cause he's going to eat you.  I told you.  "It" didn't make me fear clowns, but it did make me afraid of storm drains because that's where they live. Banana Boats Again, seemingly innocuous, but they aren't.  I will NEVER ride one of these.  Ever.  I like watercraft, but I hate banana boats.  You'll just be riding along on your yellow phallus, not a care in the world....   Hey, we're just chillin'. You're ...

The title doesn’t really leave much room for a preamble, so let’s get this party started. Rachael Ray. She makes me ashamed of my last name.                                                         People who talk like Rachael Ray. I will break that fucking bottle of yummo delish EVOO all over your head, asshole. The point of an acronym in to make a short word out of a series of longer words, not to spell out the acronym. Eeevooo. Say it with me. We don’t call it N-A-S-A or S-C-U-B-A, do we? Microsoft Word Spell Check. Only one of those sentences up there is a fragment. Also, I’m sorry that you recognize Ebonics as our official language and not English, but you’re not correct. The fact that I can’t e...

I like awards.  I like the getting of them and I like the having of them.  I've never won a trophy in my life, but I'm sorely tempted to have one made for myself because I can.  That won't be happening anytime soon because I'm poor and have better things to do, like stealing awards I was never given from websites that offer them freely.  I honestly feel as though I deserve each and every one of the awards TheBloggess  posted on her blog today.  Every.  One.  We'll start with inefficient efficiency. I work in a photolab at my friendly neighborhood "store-mart" and I do the frowning intently at the computer screen thing to make myself appear busy when in reality, I'm really just looking for naked pictures at best and old men in speedos at worst and being pissed off that the raunchiest thing in our system is someone eating a penis cake with asymmetrical balls.   As long as I have the editing box up, I can totally say I'm just enhancing someon...

As our happy little home is slowly expanding and gaining some recognition, I thought I'd give you a peek behind the curtain to learn a little about me.  My original plan was to post the overdramatic and somewhat traumatizing "100 Things About Me", but I like having followers and that list inevitably leaves people with more questions than answers. Questions of Great Importance that I stole from The Photognazi 1. Have you ever gone to see a movie by yourself? 2. Would you rather go through a tornado or a hurricane? 3. Have you made summer vacation plans? 4. What's your favorite accessory? 5. Have you ever been thrown a surprise party? 6. Are you friends with your neighbors? 7. What's the last movie you saw in the theater? 8 What's your favorite food network show? The Answers, which I stole from no one. 1. I have gone to see a movie by myself to escape my sister's then mother-in-law and bratty neice who were hogging all of my ...