The Five Seasons of North Carolina
It is universally recognized that most places on this big green ball have four seasons. Winter – It’s cold. Spring – Shit grows. Summer – Shark Week. Fall – Shit dies. That being said, I would like to point out that the state of North Carolina actually has five seasons each year. Some of these seasons overlap for maximum discomfort and they’re known to us by slightly different names than the aforementioned. Season 1: Buy Milk and Bread Seriously, winters are coming , you better be prepared. If there is even a slight chance that a single snow flake could fall from the heavens, the grocery stores are going to be packed and then emptied of everything but candy wrappers and sadness. It is a state law that mandates that when there is a winter weather advisory, you must go buy all the milk and all the bread in all the lands. You could perish in the temperate winters of the South. We’ve seen Alive ; we know how this story ends. We’re prepared to eat our neighbors if we h...