Three Inanimate Objects That Scare the Living Hell Out of Me

I have a lot of fears that other people don't.  I'll blame most of them on Stephen King.  Trust me when I say that this is just the short list of weird and probably unfounded phobias.

Take storm drains for instance.  What is there to fear about a seemingly innocuous hole in the ground?  I'll tell you.

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You'll just be sailing your awesome paper boat down the flood water when this fucker pops up.


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"Hiya, Georgie.  Aren't ya gonna say "Hello"?


Just count that boat as a loss, man, 'cause he's going to eat you.


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I told you.  "It" didn't make me fear clowns, but it did make me afraid of storm drains because that's where they live.

Banana Boats

Again, seemingly innocuous, but they aren't.  I will NEVER ride one of these.  Ever.  I like watercraft, but I hate banana boats.  You'll just be riding along on your yellow phallus, not a care in the world....




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Hey, we're just chillin'.

You're just chillin', having a good time, looking at the camera and the next thing you know...



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Dammit, Bruce!  Not again!

Something is going to fucking eat you.


Closed Shower Curtains

You THINK you see where this one is going, but trust me, you don't.

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My opaqueness gives you a false sense of security.



You have to pee and you walk in to find a closed shower curtain.  What's behind that shower curtain, you might ask.  Mildew?  Rust?  Hardwater buildup?  Awkward feminine hygiene products?  Nope.  This is.



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I believe in miracles.  Where ya from?  You sexy thang.


Trust me, you never trust hot naked chicks that show up in your bathtub out of nowhere.



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Why?  Because they're going to fucking eat you.

I'm starting to see a trend here.  All of my weird phobias involve something eating me.  I should probably talk to my shrink about that one.

Comments

Brianne said…
Storm drains. *shutter* Uh yea, can't walk by without hearing, "We all float down here.". Damn you Heather, there's the beginning of my nightmare tonight...

Oh! I see couldn't stop there! You already know about my fear of banana boats!

OMF'inG!! THE SHOWER CURTAINS!!! I have the SAME FEAR. Seriously. And it's because of the same fucked up lady from 'The Shining'. Ugh, eek, ugh!
May 23, 2011 at 9:41 PM
Rooz said…
I've never seen The Shining, but I've still managed to acquire a fear of closed shower curtains. I've been known to open them and check behind them when I'm at a stranger's house, or even just when I'm home alone.
July 11, 2011 at 12:55 AM
The Randomist said…
You know you love me, Brianne. :)

Rooz - You need to watch The Shining... and then you need to read it. It has to be in that order though.

Good on you for checking, there are zombies in there... or people that want to stab you... and zombies.
July 14, 2011 at 12:47 AM
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