You're Stupid and I Want to Punch You in the Face Part 3

There are many things in this world that drive me into a violent rage. One of those things is stupid people. Stupid people account for the majority of my stress. They can’t drive, speak, or write well, but insist on doing those things as frequently as possible and in my general vicinity.



I don’t claim to be smarter than everyone else, just the vast majority of everyone else. Ever since I learned to read, I’ve been in love with language. There are so many ways to use and abuse it. I’ve been a human dictionary and spell check for most of my life, and I am rarely wrong. Don’t let those old spelling bee videos fool you; I tend to choke under that kind of pressure.


I need to get some things out of the way here. I tend to overlook a LOT of things because I am Southern and I happen to live in the South. We speak a little differently down here. I’m actually guilty of saying “It’n it” instead of “isn’t it”. But there are things that I absolutely can NOT stand. These things will send me into a murderous rage faster than cutting me off in traffic, which is eerily fast and not to be tried if you value your life.


1. Knowed… is not a word. I take that back, NODE is a word, as in, your lymph node, but KNOWED is not. I believe you were looking for “knew” or quite possibly, “known”. Also, you ain’t been knowing nothing, Jack. Did someone learn this to you? Have you teached it to someone else?

2. Onliest. FAIL! You fail at freaking life! “He’s the onliest one that knowed about it.” Seriously? You literally deserve to be put down like an injured horse.

3. “Every since I was little”. No. NONONONONONONONOOOO! Not every. There is no “every since” unless you are referring to “every SENSE”. Ever since. EVER. EVER. EVER!!!!

4. “I slammed on brakes”. You slammed on brake’s what? What thing of brakes did you slam on? No, honey chile’, you slammed on THE brakes. THE BRAKES! That is what you slammed on.


Ok then.


The word “definitely” does not have an “a” in it. Look it up. Sound it out. Def. In. It. Lee. Not, Def. In. Ate. Lee. Don’t eat Lee, he did nothing to you. It is finite, which means there are a limited amount of things it could be, and when you add in “De” to it, it means, that is it brother. That. Is. It. It is definite.



Welp. Welp? Do you mean whelp? Whelp is the offspring of a mammal, a young person, or the tooth of a sprocket wheel. I have seen “welp” used in reference to the word “well” and also as an alternative to the word “welt”, as in hives or itchy bumps. WELL! It may SOUND like people in the South say “Weeeelp”, but that’s not what they’re saying. They stretch the word out into two or more syllables and their mouths kind of make a pop at the end.


Tomorrow, tomorrow, if you keep putting an “a” in it I will shoot you tomorrow. The sun will come out. I don’t know where this trend started or if it’s just pure, unadulterated fucktard in full swing. “Tomarrow” is NOT a word. There’s a squiggly little red line under it right now that agrees with me. Sure, it has the “ma” sound in it, but so does “Momma”, which is the correct spelling of that word. I buck that rule and stick to “mama”. Please, PLEASE stop spelling it that way!


I used a big word in my last post that may have looked misspelled, but rest assured it wasn’t.


Complementary means that something is, well, complementary… like room service, a continental breakfast, or a fruit basket. It’s just something that is added in when you purchase something else, like a hotel room.


Complimentary on the other hand, means to compliment, to say something nice. Complimentary is flattering.


A and An.


A: A single of something; a trout, a bass, a smack, a lot, a ton, a group of people.


An: An means roughly the same thing, except you use “an” when the word begins with a vowel OR a vowel SOUND. So when you reference an hour, even though it begins with a consonant, you need to use “an” because the word is pronounced “our” which means it starts with a vowel sound. A minute – an hour.

Comments

history_of_water said…
Ure a grammer Nazzi, fo' sho'

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