You're Stupid and I Want to Punch You in the Face... Part 1.

Now, I’ve been known to have a typo or five thousand in my illustrious writing career, but they are just that, typos. There is a world of difference between a typo, a misspelling, and a grammatical error… Let’s not leave out “sheer idiocy”.

 
There have also been times, in fits of confusion and mental anguish, where I have given in and researched the proper usage of certain words and how they are spelled. I feel that God invented the Google search bar for this very purpose. My most prized source of information on all things grammar related is Grammar Girl 



Typo: An accidental misspelling, addition of an excess letter, or the left out letter. ACCIDENTAL! I understand that it happens to other people too and it’s (LOOK AT THAT APOSTROPHE!) usually fairly obvious when it’s accidental.


Misspelled words: There is no excuse. Your dyslexia does not faze me because you have the ability to proof read everything you write BEFORE you click “Comment”, “Send”, or “Enter”. Unlike the result of verbal diarrhea, you can fix this mistake before everyone knows about it. It’s not a stutter. If you DO have dyslexia or some other form of mental disability that effects your ability to master grammar, let me know and I will cut you some slack. My heart may be two sizes too small, but it’s still there.


Grammatical errors: Again, NO EXCUSE! I understand that the English language can be terribly confusing because of its (NO APOSTROPHE!) plethora of “sound alike” words, but for the majority of you, it’s the first and only language you have ever learned and I think that after more than 12 years of having it pounded into your thick skulls, you would have memorized it by now.


“Sheer idiocy”: You’re stupid and I hate you. This is not a text message or a rap video, please spell all of your words out (correctly) and stop using words that do not exist, i.e., “Swole”. “Swole” is not a word. My spell check and grasp of the English language tell me so.


I have repeatedly taken the time out of my day to post various rules of grammar, and its usage, on Facebook for all that were interested. It seems that the only people who were interested are the ones that already know. I am, again, going to take the time to list what I consider to be the “Worst Grammar Offenses of All Time” on here, in greater detail.


There, their, and they’re, (and there’re if you’re Southern) all have distinct meanings, please learn them.


There: There is in reference to a location, a pronoun that introduces a noun or clause; or an adjective that emphasizes which person.


Examples of the proper usage of the word “There”:


1. The South is filled with gracious people; I would like to live there.


2. There’s a lady who knows all that glitters is gold. (I’ve heard that she’s buying a stairway to heaven. Impressive.)


3. That man there, he’s awfully sexy.


4. There once was a man from Nantucket.


Their: “Their” indicates possession.


Examples:


1. Their faces showed intelligence where there was none.


2. I want to punch them in their faces.


3. Their lawyer wouldn’t defend them because he knew they deserved it.


They’re: A contraction of “They” and “Are”. Whenever you want to use this form, say it in its original form to see if it would work.


Examples:


1. They’re going to get punched in the face again.


2. They’re out of control with their stupidity.


3. I wouldn’t mess with a wildebeest; they’re known for their raging tempers.


4. I want to move they’re = I want to move they are. You fail.

 
Go here  and test out your new knowledge.

 
Your and You’re.

 
Your: Indicates possession; something that belongs to you.

 
Examples:


1. Your face looks stupid.


2. Your head must be empty.


3. I hope you don’t procreate, your children will be considered retarded.

You’re: A contraction of the words “you” and “are”. Again, if you’re confused, use this contraction in its original form to see if you’re correct.
 Examples:


1. You’re one dumb sumbitch. (That doesn’t count as a misspelling, that’s writing dialogue in the style in which the character speaks; this makes it seem more realistic when used in moderation.)


2. You’re probably not going to be successful in life.


3. I hope your doing well. (You hope their what is doing well?)


4. I can come by and kick you’re ass later = I’m going to kick you are ass later. Fail.

As I am already on the third page of this rant, I’ve decided that I will break this post down into individual parts to make it easier to digest, and hopefully, memorize.

 
You do not understand the amount of rage that I incur when I am faced with the aforementioned grammatical errors. I’m going to see the shrink next week to ask his advice on the matter; it can’t be healthy.


Next up on the docket: To/Too/Two, Effect/Affect, Its/It’s, Then/Than, and I will, quite possibly, tackle the most horrendously irritating misspelled words ever, including but not limited to: Definitely.

Comments

Allie Bunni said…
I must admit...affect and effect always give me trouble. I look forward to the next installment lol.
Brianne said…
I am with Allie, I too have had trouble with affect and effect. And then and than once or twice as well. Your definitly awesome for doing this!

Hehe! Kidding! You're definitely awesome!

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